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Angel Arms

a true story of love after death

Month

March 2017

Words With a New Friend 

                    ~ Chapter 8~

Words With Friends used to be my favorite on-line game to play. Like a simplistic game of scrabble it satisfied my love of creative thinking and words. It was a convenient app on my phone and I could play with other people when I had slivers of time or when it was most convenient for me.  It wasn’t uncommon for me to have many games going at once with several people. 

Actually, I wasn’t too bad at it. In fact, I seemed to win many more games than I lost. Perhaps it was the competition I chose… or perhaps just good luck! Regardless, it was a game I very much enjoyed. 

Words with friends was a game I played in the evenings. I often played it when hubby got home from work, possibly to distract me from the negativity and the residual anxiety that his presence provoked. It calmed me, centered me. 

Words with friends really helped me to relax and yet my husband actually resented me for it.  He frequently accused me of “being addicted” or “being checked out”. I didn’t agree at all and resented him for criticizing me for spending time enjoying something for myself. 

Sometimes in casual conversations I might mention that this was a game I liked to play. I wish I could remember how it  was brought during that treatment session with Brad, but it was. I’m sure I talked a bit of smack in fun… and the challenge was set! Later that day he initiated a game… and the rest was WWF history. 

He was easily my favorite competitor. Not just because of his friendly game message banter, although that was super fun, but because he was GOOD! I mean “beat me most of the time” good. And I loved it. 

We came very close many games, but he seemed to almost always pull ahead with a genius word choice and placement that left my score in the dust! Ha! 

There was one game that will always stay with me. The game was neck to neck and I twisted my brain to keep up. Well, I kept up alright! I kept up son well, we tied! 

I was thrilled to say the least! Ha! Honestly, part of me hoped that he was just as tickled about it as I was. Okay maybe not “tickled” but at the very least amused. Somehow I am sure that he was. 😉

❤️A

Late Night Confession

                   ~Chapter 7~

I hadn’t slept in the same room as my husband for months… maybe over a couple of years. The official excuse was because of his Earth-shaking snoring, but of course there was much more to it than that. I wanted to keep away from him and his negative vibe. I wanted to avoid conflict and his complaining. I wanted peace.  

I also cherished the time alone I had to read, get on-line, write, and some nights if I was really lucky I would get the chance to talk to my best friend Erika who lives across the country in LA. Without any risk of conflict I could discuss my fears, share my dreams, and confess my innermost thoughts  with someone who accepts me for who I am and who truly loves me unconditionally. 

Erika and I truly have no secrets. I confide to her not only the regarding the dysfunctional dramas in my life but also about the pleasant little happenings in my life. One of those “little happenings” was my sincere appreciation of Brad as a human being. I told her of his intelligence,  his low key vibe, his humor and that he was an architect, the very profession my oldest son is aspiring to be. I think I may have emphasized to her that I didn’t like him in that way (romantically), although maybe I just kept saying that to myself!😉

One such night as I was sitting in bed upstairs, alone in the dark, I was sharing the details with Erika about another one of the toxically cyclical fights I was having with my husband. Exasperated I said “It’s a good thing that there isn’t such a thing as a personality transplant because I would switch out Len for that guy Brad’s in a heartbeat!” We chuckled and she continued to give me the cyclical advise and support that got me through those dark times in hopes of a brighter day and the end of the heartache my marriage was bringing to me. 

Honestly, I felt a little guilty later at that thought. Somehow it felt like I was being disloyal to my husband, but I was just kidding… or was I? Regardless, I wasn’t saying I wanted to be with Brad only that I wished my husband was more like him… that’s not the same thing, right? 

Well my admiration of Brad was now blatantly out into my conscious mind, no longer hidden within. Confession: I wished my husband was like Brad or at least like the most precious part of him… the part that was inside.  Actually, I wished he was exactly like him in his personality and intelligence. This confession to myself in the dark made me realize that I was unhappy with much more than just my husband’s behavior, but with who he appeared to be. 

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